This past summer, I decided that 2019 would be a year of not eating processed food. I decided to get a bread maker and practice over this half a year.
So far, it has gone quite well. All meat comes from either the farmers market or butchers (it is sooo yummy), fruit and veg comes in a weekly organic box, and bits and bobs (olive oil, soy sauce etc.) I’m getting from the local health food shop.
I have not tried making bread yet.
Though the initial outlay for quality meat and vegetables is quite high, when you don’t eat out at all, it is actually cheaper – and you get to eat better quality food.
I am doing it slowly, and not replacing things until they’re finished – because I can’t afford it – but I’m excited. It doesn’t feel like a chore at all. Just like I’m having treats all the time. Man, you should try these organic pears!
Life can be confusing. Looking after ourselves, looking after others. Deciding our paths. Deciding what socks to wear. Dealing with heartbreak and loss. Having to curb our more expensive or sweet food habits. Fitting in exercise. Staying well. Loving, forgiving. And sometimes, saying no. It’s a minefield.
It is a constant path, working all that out. It really is. Thankfully as you get older, though, or as you learn more about your illness(es), it becomes easier, and you know roughly what you’re doing.
When things have got difficult, though, you find you can take solace in the small things; fresh sheets, a cup of hot chocolate. Have a look and see what lovely things are around you today.
I have bipolar. We all know that. But what I’d like to talk about is how wonderful the people around me are. I live in a building filled with people mentally and physically different from ‘normal’. They are truly and thoroughly some of the best people I have ever met. So understanding, so caring.
Don’t judge us or pity us. The only hardship we face is people that don’t care.
When you have got through a day, and you look back upon it, there are usually ‘things that went well’ and ‘things that didn’t go so well’ to embrace. Usually we look with delight at the first category and horror at the second, and that is the end of it. Sometimes we might ask ourselves why the second happened, and come up with the answer that it was his or her fault. ‘If they’d only…’ and so it goes. But this is a useless way of thinking. Instead, think about how you contributed to those outcomes. Will you do the same next time? Taking responsibility for your life is the only way to move on quickly, and make for better outcomes tomorrow.
My mind was a mess as a young adult; I didn’t know who I was or what my beliefs were. People pleasing was my life skill, it was how I’d made it to adulthood. But now, in this real world I found myself in, there was a new challenge to face: being me. But what was me?
Well, I had a breakdown, and tried to look at it from every angle. I looked at reality and tried to make that absolute too. It worries me a little to this day.
But what I realised, in increments, is that it’s okay to be a little unsure. Everything you’re experiencing is ok. So long as you’re honest, at least with yourself, about it.
Honesty is the only way to de-tangle a brain. Go on, give it a go.
The last few weeks have been horrendous. Appalling. Someone close to me got an upswing in their BiPolar, leaving me feeling alone. My friend died – unexplainably painful and earth shaking, and then I realised my ex boyfriend was still a psychopath (literally), so I gave him the boot. It has been an intense few weeks.
I got through though, and to do so I used these words: ‘Get up, dress up, show up.’
That was all I had, and it was all I could do. So I did it, and got through.
Thanks again blog and bloggers, for still being here when my head returned to positive. Big love to everyone out there.