The way things have gone recently, I don’t feel like I have very much agency at the moment. It is not my ideal situation. So to get through, this time, I am using the ‘one day’ trick. I know that one day I will have freedom and will have a lot of agency over my own life.
What are your tricks for getting through less than ideal situations?
‘If I were to ride a tiny bicycle I would do it very earnestly.’
I looked at the merry-go-round before us.
‘As you spun round.’ I said.
‘As I spun round.’
Luke was a hottie I knew from the 70’s.
He was a testament to the phrase ‘young at heart.’ But also young in body. His chromosomes had not caught up to the 90’s and, as a result, he got away with acting the child.
‘I’d ride a horse.’ I said.
‘I want you to ride a horse.’ He replied.
He looked me in the eyes. I fumbled for something to say.
I wanted to canter, to gallop. I wanted to hold onto his waist and never let go.
In my mind we grabbed hands, fingers interlacing, and we leapt into the unknown.
Instead I watched with a little laugh as Luke ran to his tiny bicycle, and went round, his golden hair glinting in the sunshine.
‘I just pee’d in your car.’ I said to my brother Sean.
Though Sean knew, I’d finally decided to admit I’d pee’d myself in front of my friend Alexis. He was my date at my step brother’s wedding.
‘Urine’s actually one of the cleanest things there is,’ I said.
‘Well try not to do too much cleaning.’
I looked back. Alexis seemed like he was managing the news.
One of the problems I have is I’m an idea and strategy person, and not much more. Every week I have a new idea and a strategy to go with it. This week it was:
A hometown-wide community older generation friending venture called ‘Old Friends’. CRBs essential, obviously.
But I know I am not a take it forwarder so I’ve shared the idea and suggested someone else take it forward.
It made me sad to know I couldn’t do it; it’s super unlikely to happen.
There have been many ideas over the years, such as training to be an engineer and building bridges
So I got to thinking… Surely it takes a super-strategy to deal with such a wily brain? And what does that mean?
Strategies I’ve tried before:
Find a job that works for me (yeah, right).
Convince myself and employer that I can do it.
Push, push, push through the pain.
They don’t work. The only thing I’ve got is compassion and self-love, and a killer idea-factory of a mind, strategy bungy ropes pinging outward. So to make this work for me, rather than against me – I’m 31 and this might be the first time I’ve worked out how to work, long-term, on a single concept of an idea – I have to love myself through each little fall and failure. And not care if I stop. Everything that I do or don’t do is okay.
It’s a tough idea to get into my head, but when I do… watch this space 🙂
Well, it has been a journey just to be here talking to you today. I’ll spare you the tale of being born and all such unlikely events that did really happen. I’ll even leave tales of gruesome maladies to a future blog. But I will tell you one simple fact: I HATE working.
And I’m not talking no ‘I hate Mondays’, ‘when’s home time’ common hatred. I’m talking an absolute incapacity to do it. Sweats, shakes… that business.
But, I’ve decided to learn to love it. So here I am, dipping my toe in the water, and quite enjoying it really!